The Modern Guide to Sexual Etiquette... (Ocean View, CA)

The Modern Guide to Sexual Etiquette...

...For Proper Gentlemen and LadiesLocal pick-up preferred but will ship at the buyer s expensecondition excellentKingston Books 15 IMG_6823 Author Tom Carey Publisher Double Eagle Black and White Illustrations Table of Contents WHY THIS BOOK An Introduction POLITE TERMINOLOGY What the Hell Do You Call That BIRTH CONTROL Polite Prevention Correct Contraception THE HUNT Fifty Ways to Meet Your Lover THE ONE NIGHT STAND Promiscuity and Politeness DATING Looking for Mr. Goodmanners THE FIRST TIME A Special Section for Novices POLITE FOREPLAY 1. NECKING 2. More Than Necking 3. Lots More Than Necking IS POLITE ORGASM POSSIBLE A TEST AFTERPLAY THE WET SPOT DILEMMA LIVING TOGETHER Cohabitation and Copulation GROOMING Our Bodies Our Smells ACCESSORIES Good Vibrations SEX DRUGS AND ROCK N ROLL The Straight Dope WHY DID SOMEONE BUY THIS BOOK FOR YOU Chances are very good due to the nature of the material contained herein someone bought this book for you as a gift. Chances are very good they re trying to tell you something. Chances are what they re trying to tell you is that you make love with all the grace of a skewered wildebeest. Well maybe not. Maybe it s just a little joke. Maybe they re just having a bit of fun at your expense. Perhaps you ll a have a good laugh and then you ll toss this little volume aside. But think carefully. Are you really so sure of yourself Are you confidant with all the dating and mating rituals of our society or do you handle yourself with all the grace and elegance of Larry Moe and or Curley (for those of you to young to remember Larry Moe and Curly were the Three Stooges s en.wikipedia.org wiki The_Three_Stooges ) Are you smooth suave and confidant in bed or do you commit sexual errors and breaches of etiquette so gross and outrageous that your partner becomes physically ill at the mere thought of grappling with your naked body Can you really afford not to read further Don t you ever wonder why it is you haven t had a date an intimate relationship or even a cheap tawdry one nighter since Milton Berle was funny (again for those of you too young to remember Milton Berle s en.wikipedia.org wiki Milton_Berle). I think it might be better for all of us if you d wake up and smell the coffee (s en.wikipedia.org wiki Wake_Up_and_Smell_the_Coffee) Now stop blubbering and turn the page. WHY THIS BOOK An Introduction The social sexual whirl can be an awesome and frightening experience for beginner and veteran alike. Often during these turbulent and confusing times it is unclear what one s social responsibilities really are. It is especially difficult nowadays when so many people young and old married and single spend spend so much time and energy pursuing each other for purposes of selfish physical gratification. It s becoming increasingly clear to me that an etiquette guide for the sexually promiscuous oops. I mean sexually active is necessary indispensable really for anyone slugging it out in the war between the sexes. Questions answered herein What side of the bed do I take on a One Night Stand and Do I really have to swallow have just not been covered thoroughly by Miss Manners and Emily Post By the way. The answer to the above questions are the side closest to the door and Hell yes. With all the problems confronting the lone Don Quixote tilting at the windmills of sexual conventions of this world my best advice is to stay at home with a bowl of popcorn and a really good book. If you must venture into the land of herpes and heartbreak then let this really good book be your guide. You still may end up with herpes and heartbreak or worse but at least you will remain comfortable in the knowledge that you ll be enduring these indignities politely. This is by no means a how-to-book. Lord knows there are enough of those around. Bookstore shelves literally sag under the weight of each new season s releases. These helpful tomes sport snappy titles like How to Pick Up Women Even if You re Fat Homely and Smell Like a Tannery and autoerotic a and You 101 Positions for a Rainy Weekend. Instead I have concerned myself in this sappily titled and helpful tome not so much with how to have sex per se but how to have sex politely. I suspect that most of you reading this have been having sex alone or with others for years and pretty much already know how But perhaps you have wondered while sucking on the toes of someone you met 40 minutes before in a sleazy bar Is this really polite As you will soon discover there are socially correct ways to meet members of the opposite sex encourage advances of members of the opposite sex and coax bodily fluids from members of the opposite sex on to the bedclothes. Since I have noticed an alarming rise in the vast numbers of people who are just not comfortable with the etiquette pf sex I ve been moved to pen this little guide for the benefit of my fellow man (and woman) and for a modest advance from my publisher. Now if you ll just pay attention you ll never have to worry about a new partner exclaiming You want me to do what with my Cuisinart Note Tom Carey is a writer humorist cartoonist musician and songwriter. As a writer and cartoonist Tom has authored eight titles with over 500 000 books in print. His greatest hits include The Modern Guide To Sexual Etiquette (1987) The Marriage Dictionary (1993) and Teed Off The Modern Guide to Golf (2009) To anyone who has ever heard those five little words Was it good for you and had the good grace to lie. Paperback 135 pages ISBN 0-943084-53-9