I just want my daughter back for Christmas.. my only gift (Chesterfield)

I just want my daughter back for Christmas.. my only gift

I have a beautiful and very smart daughter who is 31 years old. For many years there have been times when we have not seen eye to eye but then again what parents are perfect I truly admit that I made mistakes in my life raising my children but I was a good mother a very good mother. I worked hard and gave them a nice home and they were able to have what they wanted. (I have a wonderful son also). My ex was nearby to help but he never understood me. She moved out to go to college and work when she was 18. We still had disagreements but I am wondering why someone returns to the misunderstandings and does not move forward. Long story short she met a wonderful man whom she married 2 years ago. I very much like him. Through all this I have not been able to visit her and have not been given an invitation to come to their home. About a year ago she and I had a big misunderstanding over my mother her grandmother and it caused a lot of friction and tension between us. It also resulted in her not having any contact with me at all. I tried to contact my soninlaw but he will not respond either. Yes her is loyal to her but does not know my side since we have had minimal conversations. Yes there is more to this but I dont want to write it all on here because it hurts too deep. I love her sooo very much she is my firstborn daughter and my only daughter. I live in fear that I will not be able to see her again or something may happen and it will be final and I will have to live with or die with the fact that we never got to see each other or do anything together. I just want her to love me I do love her unconditionally nothing can change that. I carry enormous amounts of guilt for not being aboe t o do anything for her. I truly dont understand why she is so angry with me. I dont know how to repair something that has gone on this long. Wondering if she will ever listen to me so I can take responsiblity for any thing and take accountability for this. I will not blame her or make excuses for this situation. Also I have a lot of empathy and want to show this. This is the most painful situation I have had in my life. I cannot turn to my sisters nor do I have any other family members to talk to. My mother has severe dementia so that is not an option. There is no therapy person or place that I have ever reached out to that can help me and support me with this pain. My children are my world and I truly love both my son and my daughter no matter what. Even through the hurtful times I do not hold any bad feelings. there is forgiveness in my heart to all circumstances in my life. My son hears all I say and listens but it is very difficult for him to be the go between and also it is not fair to him. He listens to all my fears tears and feelings. I love both my children the same but both totally different in a lot of ways. Neither of my children ever gave me any big problems growing up and were very good children. My heart hurts so much every time I think a lot about this. I love my son and daughter. I just want my daughter back for Christmas......